the he/she situation...

i want to kill you...

i just want to micro-dermabrasion those rosacea cheeks off you, you fool!!!!!!!

posted by carlythejanitor @ 11:34 PM 1 comments

Heart of GOLD!

so im going to emulate mel and make a list of everything that i remember from the festivities on saturday. this is not going to be long list. even the things i THINK i remember have probably been coaxed from my subconcious by ryans pictures of the evening....ok here we go....

1. i remember being REALLY excited to play cranium and then also really confused by all the crazy rules- even moreso because i made the decision prior to not listen to any of the rules and play the game my own 'funner' and 'cooler' way. really, i just wanted to play with play dough.

2. while i was trying to make the CN tower out of play dough, it apparently was construed as vaguely sexual. if anyone can tell me how to make a long cylinder in 2 seconds WITHOUT rolling it on the table with your hand, please tell me. id like to know.

3. denouncing cranium as: a)racist b)sexist c)pro-neil young and d)showing signs of having a hippo fetish

4. going on the subway and somehow cutting TWO fingers on either of my hands and bleeding rather profusely..with no one noticing but me.

5. not really liking the moosehead...there i said it. even when i was hammered..it still tasted kinda weird.

6. eating mysterious and random cake with my (probably still bloody) fingers that ryan finagled out of some women.

7. stumbling into kristys house after the drinking fest and rudely asking if i could take some of her pizza home with me.....then thinking that i forgot my john kerry dancing doll and being all in a panic..(thanks ryan)

8. ryan laughing at me the entire time and then the next morning making up outrageous things that i supposedly did....

and then there's this picture...dont remember this either..but that doesnt make it any less enjoyable..maybe even MORE enjoyable...

posted by carlythejanitor @ 11:20 PM 2 comments

FREE TICKETS!

Being the high priced call girl that we all know i am, someone has bought my company for April 2nd. Im going to accompany this person to the Neko Case concert. Perhaps i'll try and go shopping on Rodeo Drive first and be turned away by snobby saleswomen. Or try and break some sort of sea food shell and have it go flying everywhere as a testament to my uncouth hooker ways. Or perhaps i'll get my hand caught in the jewellery case that my 'john' gives me and laugh maniacally showing my 'joie de vivre' and general all around horsiness. Or perhaps i'll just go and see a show.... sorry, just mentioning the words 'high priced call girl' make me think of the one and only horsey mcforeheadvein.

I FUCKING HATE JULIA ROBERTS!!!!

t-minus 2-ish days till my mama cara comes back and we paint the town DRUNKKKKKK!

posted by carlythejanitor @ 12:44 AM 0 comments

Paula Abdul Is a Douchebag

so i was watching American Idol last night and as i watch this show i like to look at all the posters people hold in the audience-mainly because they're either really pathetic pleas for marriage or a hug or every now and then pretty creative and punny. (case in point: putting kellie pickler's face on a pickle. thats pretty funny)
so i saw this poster that just outraged me with its ridiculousness. it said:
"WE LOVE YOU ALL"thats so sillily (not a word-i made it up) diplomatic! who's diplomatic about AMERICAN IDOL??? (other than paula abdul-but she's on drugs and is scarcely coherant, so i'll let it slide) the whole premise of the show is that you CANNOT and SHOULDNT be diplomatic about it! its the antithesis of a competition!!! how would people get kicked off if they were all 'great?'
its such a paula abdul-esque attitude, i hate it!
me and everyone i know that watches the show have violent and passionate feelings about all the contestants! if i was in that audience i would have HUGE DEROGATORY posters about some of these douchebags-namely ace young and his rosacea cheeks...i might even burn effigies of these people.....or maybe not, thats taking it to the edge right there...

posted by carlythejanitor @ 2:35 AM 0 comments

me:mel penner's blog, tyra banks:oprah

I'm Carly and this is my blog. I'm not available to post right now, so someone else (whose name will remain undisclosed) is filling in. Carly knows this isn't the way to start a blog, but she doesn't know what else to do.

Okay, so Carly will be back in the next post.

posted by carlythejanitor @ 3:07 PM 2 comments